A salesman.
I have repeatedly told my kids, DO....NOT....OPEN....THE DOOR. Not because there could be a kidnapper or a boogey man behind it, but because there could be, you guessed it, a salesman.
But, they DO NOT listen. And every time my dear children let one in, I cringe. Because I know I'm about to spend a lot of money I do not have. Like last summer, when I bought a freezer full of meat for $400. WHAT? FROZEN MEAT? Who knew they even sold that door-to-door?
I AM every salesman's DREAM.
So, my salesman today starts off with an amazing attention-grabbing technique. He GIVES me a free household product. Paper towels. WOW!!! I'm thinking, JACKPOT! You probably think the story ends there, but you'd probably be wrong.
After he presents me with the generic wipes, he says, "One minute let me run to my van." As he runs to the van, I return to my motherly duties. Upon my return to the front door, there it is, the KIRBY Vacuum Box.
"Umm", I said with a sigh of relief, "We have a central vac, so I think we're good."
"Have you ever had a demonstration?" Says the guy with a large tatoo of his 2 year-old on his arm. (Classy).
"YES! And, my parents have one, which they love, and I love Kirby's too. But, we can't afford it. We need to put in our yard, first." I thought for sure this would be the end of it...
"Well, my boss just wants me to give you a quick demonstration, " says Maurice while his eyes shift to his boss in the molester van.
"Okay, but I'm not buying," I said firmly.
Deep down, I love the Kirby demos, just because I know I'll have one room with pristine carpet by the time they're done. Well worth the LENGTHY demo, I think.
As the vacuuming begins, I'm slowly getting sucked in. (No pun intended). And, by the end of it, I am ready to chuck the central vac attachemnts and get out my credit card.
My vacuum is like a glorified Dustbuster compared to the Kirby. You should see how many dust/dirt/lint filled circles I have in my trash can right now! It's amazing I don't have allergies, or even worse, diseases. It's a miracle I'm still alive!
I LOVE KIRBY. I NEED A KIRBY.
Well, to make a long story longer, I ended up trying to talk Tyler, Chris and Erin into my Kirby dream. I figured, we can't justify buying a $2,000 vacuum for our home, but we have rental properties and so do Chris and Erin, so why not use the Kirby to clean the carpets when the renters move in-and-out? BRILLIANT! (Plus, I might even use it my house as an added bonus!)
Everyone saw my wisdom in this except Chris.
So, it is with mixed emotions that I report to you, I do not own a Kirby, yet.
Chris, if you're reading this, I'm not very happy with you right now, and neither are our carpets.
I hope you breathe in lots of dust tonight and develop severe allergies.
8 comments:
AH HA HA HA HA HA HA!
if i ever have to take drastic measures to pay my bills, i'm coming to your doorstep with anything i can find....
ha ha ha ha.
but seriously. kirby's rule. so i hear...
You are awesome!!! Ok, I've had the Kirby demo and I've had the rainbow demo. I seriously would own a rainbow vacuum right now if it weren't for Dan! Gotta love an expensive vacuum, right?
Chirs demands a public apology.
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha, you are so funny! In a few days, you'll feel better and be glad you don't have one!(and that you still have your $2,000)
Chris will get his public apology when I get my Kirby. And, if he REALLY wants us to buy a Ranger, just send a "Ranger Salesman" over.
And, Saedi, what is a rainbow vacuum? Is there something even better than Kirby??? WHAT?
So I am totally laughing from the second I read the first line...I know you have a special soft spot for mr. Kirby, and that you would have married him had he been an eagle scout...Maybe if you made this Chris character some no bake cookies? That would work for me.
Paige you really are hilarious!! I miss you!! It looks like your doing well, snow and all, even made it skiing! You better not tell my kids about the easter bunny! And thanks for your endorsement of the kirby, our vaccum actually just died so i'll have to try and talk Ry into one!
hey, not only have I been a slacker about updating MY blog but I've also slacked on reading other peoples' blogs. Shame on me b/c this is classic. I really thought you were going to buy it. And I had heard of Kirbys, knew your parents had one but didn't really know that's why their carpet is so dang clean. I just thought it was b/c they have no kids at home anymore!!
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